Fail funk

I have been very depressed lately. Not just sad, unmotivated, stays in bed most of the day depressed-- but angry, crying, uncomfortable, unhappy for no reason depressed.

I don't know who I am. I don't know what I'm going to do. The thing I went to school for, being a public school music teacher, doesn't seem like it's what works for me. Teaching music? I'm really good at it. Teaching music to a bunch of kids who don't care? For 8 hours a day? Plus no child left behind, plus their parents, plus one of my supervising teachers gave me a B- in my student teaching...I don't think so.

So what do I do? What jobs do I pursue? What's going to make me happy AND make me money??

Why did I get downsized? That totally wasn't fair. I was doing a good job, and I should have been continually rewarded for good, hard work. But no. I was cut loose.

I was really good at that job, too.

Now what do I do? What makes my life meaningful? What is my purpose? I have no purpose. I feel like I fail at everything. My head is screaming at me.

:(

I did send out several applications after failing my second interview with the insurance sales position. Turns out I don't want to starve for a year before making money selling things to people. And 4 of those applications were through a jobpush website, so I was able to see that they accepted my preliminary qualifications, and then I was able to submit references, and then I'll hear back from them. I'm a little frustrated that I haven't heard back YET, but who knows.

I'll continue to feel like a giant fail until I find a job, I'm afraid.